Support for Spouses

Pornography use in marriage is serial adultery, a repeated breaking of the vow to “forsake” all others. This behavior is never justifiable and is the responsibility of the addicted partner.

Pornography use in marriage is also abandonment. Typically, the pornography user spends more and more time with pornography, and less and less time with their spouse and children, leaving them bereft of their love and companionship. The resulting loss of relationship, trust, and fidelity turns spouses into spiritual widows or widowers. This unfaithfulness and abandonment leave them (and the couple’s children) with deep emotional and spiritual wounds. Feelings of betrayal, loss, anger, inadequacy, and hopelessness swirl, entangling the non-using partner in a vortex of despair. 

Such deep wounds don’t instantaneously heal, and such emotions do not immediately fade following a tearful confession from a pornography-addicted spouse. It is cruel to expect them to. Spouses of pornography users are survivors of a form of sexual and emotional abuse.  They may have endured years of lies and gas-lighting leading to a crushed spirit. Thus, depending on the circumstance, professional therapists who are trained in betrayal trauma may be necessary. Additionally, family, friends, and ecclesial brethren of the injured party must be deeply committed to their spiritual, emotional, mental, and financial wellbeing. This is not a journey spouses should have to take alone.

For more information, see the resources for spouses.